Life...

Life is sometimes just busy...and it can be very overwhelming and that is what I'm feeling right now...OVERWHELMED! I will give you some examples of why it is....

Our laptop crashed and our life hasnt been the same since...or wait, mine hasn't! Seriously, what did I do before email, facebook, my recipe websites, my friends blog, people.com, usmagazine.com...how did I get my gossip before?

The past couple months have been very rough on my emotionally...I miss my family ALOT. I miss that they are missing out on Brogan growing up, I miss that he doesn't get to spend the night there, like his cousins do, I miss that my Nanny is getting older and we are thousands of miles away...There isn't a day that doesn't go bye, that I don't think about what life would be if we were in Indiana? But, the truth of the matter is....we are here, in Oregon...our life is here in Oregon...our friends are here in Oregon...Allan's job is here in Oregon...I'm not sure if I could live back in Indiana again...But, right now....I want to be in Indiana...I want my Mom to cook for me, I want Brogan to play with his cousins, I want to spend time with my cousins (who are growing up soooo fast), I want Brogan to know his Nanny and his Grandma and Grandpa Reed, I want him to play in the snow. I want him to play on the floor with his Papa...I could go on and on...

December is a VERY hard month for me...VERY. I don't think I can describe it to anyone or explain where anyone could understand it. I struggle with Dec. 8. I struggle with Jan. 19. I struggle with the whole situation over and over...It always starts right before Thanksgiving and it doesn't go away for a while...I don't sleep, I have horrible dreams, I have anxiety issues and now since Brogan has been born, I become a mother who becomes OVER protective of him over night...but, eventually it goes away....and life goes on. But, for a short period of time....my life is very overwhelming...

School is overwhelming...don't think I need to say that much.

Money is overwhelming...We have made big changes in our finances, so that I can stay home with Brogan during the day. We have cut back on alot of things...which is fine! I'm learning that life isn't about material things...I have my health, my friends, my family and a healthy child! But, just when life gets back on track...BAM...something else happens! We are thinking of making a bigger change here soon...More on that later....

Love is overwhelming...I want Brogan to have EVERYTHING. I want him to be that kid who has everything, I don't want him to ever feel left out. My parents did everything for us and they still do. I want that for Brogan. I want to smother him everyday with everything. I have a hard time saying NO to him....I'm having a hard time with the fact that he doesnt need a train table, kitchen, dinosaurs, and everything else I want to get him for Christmas...but, I love him and I want him to have the best things in life...but, I'm learning that "love" is the best thing you can give him...and boy do I love that little man.

Relationships our overwhelming....and they are work...and they are challenging...and it's hard.

Life is just overwhelming....

Pumpkin Patch

An attempt at a "family" pic...
Brogan and Allan

Brogan and Hunter...Buddies!

Maddy, Halli and Kendall

Yeah this is a little late...but, it's been a crazy month or so...We took the kids out to Lone Pine Farms to get pumpkins this year, this actually a tradition we have started! Its was a beautiful day and we had alot of fun. My BFF Sarah and her kids joined us...and as always, we had a great time!

Happy Birthday PaPa!

Happy Birthday Dad! Happy Birthday Papa!

We love you!

Praying?

Conquering fear starts with a choice to believe God's promises, and then taking a step of faith to act on them-Joel Osteen

Found this quote tonight...Perfect for some "personal" things I'm going thru right now. I have never been one to be open with what is going in my life...whether it's personally, emotionally or mentally. But, lately I've been struggling with life, decisions, my heart has been very heavy with things that are going on with friends/family and being a Mom. I've found myself questioning a lot of things that I do or have done. I've found myself hesitant on making certain decisions. Some days it can be very overwhelming. I have found myself praying alot, through out the day, at night, at the store, while I'm driving, while I'm sitting on the couch...staring at Brogan. I have never been a big prayer, not sure why...just haven't. But, in the last month...I do it ALL the time!! I'm enjoying it. I've gone thru alot in my life and I'm wondering why "now" is the time that I'm really reflecting on alot of it. Is it because I'm a Mom, is it because I'm older, is it become I want to be a different person or is it because I've starting praying?

The.Best.Ever.

It was everything I knew it would be and more. Hands down amazing. He is amazing. His dancers are amazing. He is a nice guy. He is a "normal" person. I danced. I sang. I cried. I will see it again. I will buy the DVD. I will make sure my children know who he is and everything he was. I still can't believe he is gone. Hope whoever did what they did, pays.

When you have a kid....

-your definition of gross is drastically redefined
-you realize you suck at being patient
-you realize that kids can't remember the first 5 or so years of their life for a reason
-you realize the reason is because being a good parent is a process, not instantaneous
-you report on the size, shape, color, and frequency of bowel movements like you are discussing a grocery list
-you get to see a whole new side of your spouse that is absolutely amazing
-you smile more than ever
-you realize how bored you must have been before
-you realize that you really were lazy and undisciplined before becoming a parent
-you laugh more than ever
-you begin to want to be a great parent so badly while wondering if you'll ever be so
-stories about other kids having to suffer make you cry (if they didn't already....for me, yes it did and still does)
-you can't remember what life was like before
-you realize that all your thoughts about how to be a parent before becoming a parent were wrong
-you realize how pretentious you were to think you knew anything at all about parenting
-crying babies in public don't faze you, because at least it isn't your kid
-sleep is never guaranteed
-time alone with your spouse is like winning the lottery
-you learn a new aspect of what love is
-hugs, kisses, and eye contact take on a whole new level of importance
-your life changes

I stole...I mean borrowed this from another blog :) I love it and it's all true!

Birthdays, Birthdays and more Birthdays....

This month has been really busy with birthdays...We have been spending most of the weekends at birthdays parties!!! These are just a few so far...More to come later!

Happy Birthday Halli!

Happy Birthday Hunter!

Happy Birthday Brooklyn and Graci!

Mr. Attitude

This is Mr. Attitude, Mr. No, Mr. I do it, Mr. I throw things when I don't get my way, Mr. I will glare at you until I get my way, Mr. Stubborn and Mr. I'm 2 years old and I'm going to drive my Mom crazy for the rest of her life!

Little Man, Mommy loves you more then you will EVER know, but man have you really tested my patience and my attitude!!

Summer Fun!

We have been very busy the last month and it doesn't look like its going to slow down anytime soon! September is full of birthdays, school starting for both kids, my 3rd term starting and the cool weather hitting us! Here are a few pictures from the last month!!!! Isn't that sad...That is all I really have to show? Aquarium pictures and fair pictures! Forgot my camera a couple of times :(

Quote #3

Happiness is free

-Unknown-

Random Thoughts....

Life has been so busy lately and I feel like my mind is going a hundred miles an hour, literally! Here on some things on my mind lately....

1) I'm in my second term of school...I love it...but, miss my evenings with Brogan. But, I understand that right now is the time to do this all! I just hope that I will be able to find a job...even if its just part time!

2) Brogan is going to start to go to school...Playschool. Two days a week...for 2hrs! I think this is going to be a great thing for him, cause right now we are having a hard time sharing, understanding that everything isn't HIS or MINE! Understanding what NO means, understanding that he can't have everything he sees. I just hope my child isnt the child that gets kicked out of preschool for being naughty! He has defintely tested my patience lately and it's been a struggle!

3) I'm sick of buying diapers! Bottom line, so over them...But, wondering where am I going to find the time or the energy to actually stay HOME for 2 or 3 weeks and train him!

4) I still can't believe Michael Jackson is dead!

5) I don't care about Brett Favre, end of story.

6) I have a secret obession...NASCAR and I have missed it! We turned off our cable right before summer started and we are having it turned back on here soon...So, of course during this time the past 10 races have been on ESPN. Thank god for the internet! Will look forward to it returning to ABC/FOX!

7) There are days I feel like a "single" mom. Most days, Allan and I pass each other at the door...him coming home from work, me leaving for school...with Brogan in the middle somewhere!! Plus, I have been working alot lately too...which is nice, but I feel like I do EVERYTHING...I do the laundry, clean, laundry, grocery shop, run all the errands, pay the bills...etc...etc...etc! I would love to be in charge of NOTHING for just a month! I know...In my dreams!

8) I miss my family in Indiana ALOT. I check for tickets everyday...but, now that Brogan is 2, I have to pay for him to fly! Ugg! Which means, I pay almost $700 for the both of us to fly to Indiana! Not sure when we are going to make back...My September is full with school stuff, bday's and life in general...October is busy already too...

9) I ready for my shows to be back on...DVR will be in full affect!

10) I really love being a Mom...and I have a sweet little boy...most of the time :) He has made my life complete! I cherish these days!!!!

Update on the BFF....

Yeah, I suck at will power. I still like my BFF and it's hard. Going to school till 11pm at night, its hard not to want to have one by my side at school (which I have been doing ALOT lately)...However, during the day, I'm doing great! Prob 2 during the day...and lots of water!!! Also, chewing lots of gum! I learned those secrets from THE BIGGEST LOSER...also when I get hungry, I chug a bottle a water and it helps too!

So, I am doing better...I just think this is going to be ALOT harder then I ever imagine!

My Little Man....

Brogan the day he was born

Brogan is going away this weekend with his Dad. They are heading down to the Ranch for his Dad's birthday...I, on the other hand is staying home. I have to work all weekend and I have made plans with some friends to go to this HUGE consignment sale here in town so....What am I going to do? Sleep? Homework? Clean? Read? Blog? Shop in peace? Lord, I could name about a million things I want to do without my 2yr old attached to my hip! I'm going to be honest, I'm struggling with him being gone. I have spent the last 798 days with him (I added it up)!!! I have NEVER left him overnight! He has only been left with a babysitter a hanful of times. I don't trust alot of people to watch him, our parents dont live close and I've been lucky in enough that my girlfriends have watched him when needed! Is that sad, yes...Cause it's been a LONG time since Allan and I have had a "date" night. I think it is starting to take a toll on our relationship. Since I started school, we pass each other at the door 4 days a week, literally! I have been working alot lately, which I'm very grateful for and homework takes up alot of time too! So, I think I'm going to start branching out and seeing if I can find a high school girl or a college girl that could babysit for us! I tell my brother and sister-n-law ALL THE TIME, how lucky they are to have Mom and Dad 2 BLOCKS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm very jealous of that!



So, this weekend is going to be a test on me emotionally and mentally! I know that he will be fine with Allan and his Grandma and Papa but, still its hard....Guess it's part of letting go a little....I know one day, I will be putting him on a plane to stay weeks or the summer with my parents...but, I know I have a little time before that happens!!!! My Dad tried to get that to happen this summer...:):)

Obsession #1

There isn't alot to say...

But, I know he needs to hurry up and make another record, do a movie or just marry me! :)

What can I say....

I may have the cutest nephews EVER!

Miss and Love them VERY much!

My Best Friend...

So, I have this best friend....I love "her"...and I'm thinking of saying good bye to her for awhile...I have tried the past 2 days to ingore her, but its hard. She has been apart of my life for a VERY LONG TIME...We have been thru alot and she normally makes my days the BEST!!! But, I'm depending on her way to much and its taken a toll on my, literally! So, as of today....we are going to part ways...Hoping to see her again soon, but for now...its over....

Ha...for those of you who know me...I'm a diet pepsi freak! I drink WAY to much of it and I think its time that H20 becomes my new BFF...Its going to hard...let the bitchiness start and also the headaches. Tried to do it early this week and it lasted 2 days and I caved...a) cause school is stressful b) its hard not having one FIRST thing in the morning and c) basically i have no will power when it comes to ANYTHING...This is one of my challanges, as I start to change my life around...more so on the diet...working on alot of personal stuff too :) Will blog about that later!

My future Cheerleader

Yes...its true! Kendall thinks that she is a cheerleader! After spending a week at Cheer/Dance Camp a couple of weeks ago, she is all about showing us she can do the splits, touch her toes, her cheers and the stories, OH MY! You can defintely tell she has got the all poses and moves down...Check out these pictures! She is all growen up and ready for school (that is what she told me this morning at breakfast)!!!

Eat.Pray.Love

I'm super excited that one of my ALL TIME FAVE books is being made into a movie...and Julia Roberts is playing the main character! I'm soooo excited!!!! It was book that I really could relate to on soooo many levels! This is def a VERY good book that I highly recommend!

For the love of the toliet...

So, we have started potty training...ok wait, we have practiced "playing" on the toliet! Brogan loves his new potty from Target (got it at Target for $6 on clearance, thought it was a sign?)! He sits on it to watch tv, he takes his pants and his diaper off sit on there and then screams "All done"!!! The past two days, I'm pretty sure if I would let him, the toliet would have gone to the grocery store with us and possible would have been in his crib. I'm happy that he is excited about his new potty....I'm just hoping that he actually starts going soon...Cause I'm SOOOOO OVER buying diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote #2

This quote seems to be very true in our house lately. Brogan's vocabulary is growing EVERYDAY and the simple things that Allan or I say, seem to come soooo easily out of his mouth. Regardless whether it's a word that can be repeated or a word that shouldn't be repeated...we are learning that our little boy is growing up. Somethings that cracks me up is, he says "sorry" all the time...or when he wants his dad...he will call out "Allan"...just like I do :):) or when you say Brogan he says "what", which is not really funny, cause I don't want him to be a rude child...but, I still can't hold back smiling at him, cause he is just doing what "we" do!

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have. - Author Unknown

Swimming and Good Times

Happy 4th of July!

Sibling Love

Kendall

Pool time with Daddy

Swimming all by herself (for the 1st time)

Kendall and Brogan

The weekend was so much fun! Lots of time with Grandma and Papa, lots of good food, got to spend time with cousin Aiden, 4 wheeler rides, fireworks and lots fun in the pool!

Why I live in Oregon

Here are a few reasons why I LOVE living in Oregon:

Beach (less then an hr away)

Scottish Highland Cattle at Allan's parents ranch.

Water Falls EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Mountains!!  These are the Sisters Mountains (where my cousin Steph lives)

Buddies

While my Mom was here earlier in the month we took a trip over to Easter Oregon, to see friends!  This has been an annual trip that we have made, every time Mom comes in the summer.  It's a very long drive and I thought the older Brogan got, the easier it would be...NO!!!!!!!!  The 6hr drive is looooooonnnnnnnngggggggggggg!  It's a beautiful drive, you spend most of it driving along the "Gorge" with is along the Columbia River!  We had gorgeous weather going and coming home! 

Columbia River

Here is a picture of Brogan's new buddy, Rylan...or "baby" as Brogan referred to him all weekend.  It was really cute seeing them play together.  They are about 9 months apart, but Rylan is alot smaller then Brogan.  But, then again he is with most kids his age!

Brogan and Rylan

Rocks + Water + Fish= SOOO MUCH FUN!

Kendall

Brogan

Since I've been in school Allan and Brogan have gotten to spend ALOT of time together and the normal evening is spent down by the Willamette River!  Allan takes his fishing pole and away they go down the path for some fun!  Brogan spends the WHOLE time just throwing "rocks" in the water, while Allan fishes.  It has been a good Daddy and Brogan bonding time!  Now every night when Allan gets home from work, Brogan runs to get his sandals and says "wa wa" and "fishy"!  Too cute!!

Happy Father's Day!!!

I will have to admit that Brogan has a great daddy...and I have a great boyfriend...or partner or other half??  I have some friends who aren't so lucky and it breaks my heart!  I don't understand how people can have children and want nothing to do with them?  As much as I complain about wanting some "me" time...I think about Brogan ALL the time, especially when I'm not with him.  Its always nice to get out of the house or do something by yourself, but I love when I walk in the door and he yells Mama...or Hi (which is his new thing)...and I'm smothered with hugs and an "up, please"!  I've been fortunate enough to be a part of Kendall's life for the past 4 years (YIKES)!  She is a girlie girl and I love it!  She has grown up so much and she is a perfect big sister to Brogan too.  His misses her a lot when she is gone.  Hard to explain to a 2yr why Kendall isn't here all the time.

Anyhoo...Allan is a great Daddy or Dada...I thank god for him every day!  Love you babe!!!!

Quote #1

I found this quote the other day!!!  I absolutely LOVE it!  So, as I find new or old quotes that I love, I will post them...

Boy, n.:  a noise with dirt on it.  ~Not Your Average Dictionary

Happy 2nd Birthday Brogan Ian

Well, I offically don't have a baby anymore :(...We now have a 2 yr old! He is getting so big and so smart SOOOOO soon! He is starting to put words together. But, in between the words he knows, its still "Brogan" language and by the way his expressions are, he is DEFINTELY saying something. We decided to have a pretty low key birthday this year. We did few presents and cupcakes. Figured I have the next 10 years of BIG birthday parties! He got lots of presents and now my living room looks like the toy section at Target!! Here are a few pictures from the evening....

FYI:  These cupcakes were soooo GOOD!

Happy Birthday Little Man

Veggies

When Brogan was a baby he ate anything and everything we would give him...but, now he eats when he wants and what he wants. I'm pretty sure he runs the show when it comes to eating. I can NOT get him to eat any "veggies" with the expectation of corn...which sadly is just like his MOTHER! I'm not a fan of anything green...but, lettuce and I'm picky about that too. So, I read an article in my Parent's magazine about the things we can do to help make sure you children get the veggies and fruits they need. One of them was the new V8 Fusion juice...so, I thought what the heck. It can be very expensive, but I have been lucky to get a couple of coupon's for it and WalMart seems to be the cheapest...So, this is my new fave thing for Brogan right now! He loves it! I have bought most of the flavors and he loves them all. So, as we work on the veggies, I will let him drink this once a day...

Time to catch up!

I'm very behind on things lately.  I started school in April and it seems all the little things have been pushed back.  I have a million things to do before my Mom gets here and before summer gets here and our free time is spent in the pool!  I have a feeling that Brogan is going to be a "fish" this summer, hence the wanting to take a bath every 5 minutes.  The weather is finally getting nice here, the past week it has been sunny and beautiful!  I feel bad for Brogan because we have been inside a lot....see I have been studying for mid-terms!  But, after this week...We will be free to go swim, go the park, go to play dates and go take our trips to Target to spend money on things we "don't" really need, but just can't pass up!  So bare with me the next couple of days as I catch you up on what is going on with us.

Beach.Sand.Wind.

Mother's Day weekend we decided to take a short trip over to the coast. This was Brogan's 2nd time to the beach...First time was when he was 3 months old. He wasn't to sure of the sand, or the wind...and then of the ocean. He just told in one spot and said "Mom"...which seems to be his favorite word at the moment!!!  Here are a few pictures!  We are hoping to take many more trips this summer so he starts to like it!  Plus, I need to get some more pictures of the kids together!

As you can see it was windy!  But, very pretty!  The West coast is nothing like the East coast or the "beaches" in Florida...which ONE day we will take the kids to see!

"When you are a mother , you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." --Sophia Loren

"Friends to the End"

When we were home visiting my parents back in February, Brogan really loved looking thru my Mom's book "Friends to the End"....but, it was the adult version. She was given it as a present from her friend Tammy. I was really worried about Brogan tearing the pages out but, he did really good! So, Mom found the "kids" version on Amazon.com and sent it to him...Needless to say he loves this book and its a little bigger then the adult version.

Updated Picture

Here is a recent picture of Kendall and Brogan.  They both are getting very big and very smart.

Bare with me...

So, I have a bunch of friends who have been blogging for years! I have always enjoyed reading their posts and what is going on with their lives...So, I thought what the heck? It's not like I have a million other things going on! I figured this would be a good way for my friends and family who don't see us everyday to keep up on us, the kids and Oregon! :):)

Hope you all enjoy...