Life...

Life is sometimes just busy...and it can be very overwhelming and that is what I'm feeling right now...OVERWHELMED! I will give you some examples of why it is....

Our laptop crashed and our life hasnt been the same since...or wait, mine hasn't! Seriously, what did I do before email, facebook, my recipe websites, my friends blog, people.com, usmagazine.com...how did I get my gossip before?

The past couple months have been very rough on my emotionally...I miss my family ALOT. I miss that they are missing out on Brogan growing up, I miss that he doesn't get to spend the night there, like his cousins do, I miss that my Nanny is getting older and we are thousands of miles away...There isn't a day that doesn't go bye, that I don't think about what life would be if we were in Indiana? But, the truth of the matter is....we are here, in Oregon...our life is here in Oregon...our friends are here in Oregon...Allan's job is here in Oregon...I'm not sure if I could live back in Indiana again...But, right now....I want to be in Indiana...I want my Mom to cook for me, I want Brogan to play with his cousins, I want to spend time with my cousins (who are growing up soooo fast), I want Brogan to know his Nanny and his Grandma and Grandpa Reed, I want him to play in the snow. I want him to play on the floor with his Papa...I could go on and on...

December is a VERY hard month for me...VERY. I don't think I can describe it to anyone or explain where anyone could understand it. I struggle with Dec. 8. I struggle with Jan. 19. I struggle with the whole situation over and over...It always starts right before Thanksgiving and it doesn't go away for a while...I don't sleep, I have horrible dreams, I have anxiety issues and now since Brogan has been born, I become a mother who becomes OVER protective of him over night...but, eventually it goes away....and life goes on. But, for a short period of time....my life is very overwhelming...

School is overwhelming...don't think I need to say that much.

Money is overwhelming...We have made big changes in our finances, so that I can stay home with Brogan during the day. We have cut back on alot of things...which is fine! I'm learning that life isn't about material things...I have my health, my friends, my family and a healthy child! But, just when life gets back on track...BAM...something else happens! We are thinking of making a bigger change here soon...More on that later....

Love is overwhelming...I want Brogan to have EVERYTHING. I want him to be that kid who has everything, I don't want him to ever feel left out. My parents did everything for us and they still do. I want that for Brogan. I want to smother him everyday with everything. I have a hard time saying NO to him....I'm having a hard time with the fact that he doesnt need a train table, kitchen, dinosaurs, and everything else I want to get him for Christmas...but, I love him and I want him to have the best things in life...but, I'm learning that "love" is the best thing you can give him...and boy do I love that little man.

Relationships our overwhelming....and they are work...and they are challenging...and it's hard.

Life is just overwhelming....